Secret Life of a Sorority Dropout

This email went out to the students at the University of Vermont this evening:

Now, yes I did push for this to happen.  And  I think it sends an important message.  

And I think this letter more or less speaks for itself.

However, there are a few things that need to be said about some of the brothers at SigEP.  

While I think that the reaction of the brothers - and of greek life as a whole - in it that they have behaved like victims, is reprehensible, and a more self-reflective and aware reaction is critical in all men, especially greek men, it must be said that there are undoubtedly brothers of the chapter who most likely did respond with outrage toward their chapter, and who have worked to try to end the rape culture that so permeates greek life.  I would like to break my usual no-name rule to give these men the credit that they deserve.  Because though I believe that shutting down the fraternity sent a necessary message, these men are representative of the values that I know the national Sigma Phi Epsilon organization strives to achieve and uphold.

Mike Deedy is the president of IFC here at UVM, and I don’t think I, or any one he has ever met, has ever met a nicer person.  He works hard to make this community, and his fraternity, all that he believes it should be.  He is respectful to a fault, and visibly cares with ever fiber of his being about people - and the women - in his life.  

Justin Adelman is the single best hugger on the face of this earth.  He treats EVERY person he meets the way he would like to be treated, cares intensely about his friends and family, and represents all of the best parts of what his fraternity could be.  I have never heard him say a disrespectful word about any woman, ever, and he looks out for the safety of not just the women around him, but the people around him.

Christian Matthews really, really hates me.  And in spite of this, I think he’s made a truly positive impact on this University, and will continue to do so.  He has actively worked to try to alter rape culture on this campus, and though we may not see eye to eye on how greek life impacts rape culture in and of itself, I believe that Christian has the capacity to make this school a better place for anyone who attends it, regardless of gender.  

Kevin Osantowski has stood up for women when it has been easy, and when it has been incredibly difficult.  He embodies all of the parts of is fraternity that, should the chapter one day return to campus, should be the core values of every member.   

There are more outstanding brothers of the chapter, but these are the one’s whose character I can best attest to.  And I personally believe that this chapter will inevitably one day return to the UVM campus.  And I hope that one of these men advises it, because they are the living embodiment of all that UVM Greek Life SHOULD be.  While I don’t believe that Greek Life at UVM (or ANYWHERE) is a good thing, because it is inherently exclusive, I think that these men have gone so far out of their way to try to change this world as brothers, that their good work must be recognized.  

And I truly hope that they all find their way safely out of this chaos.  Because they are truly all that every greek should be.  

When they’re minorities we call them gangs. 

When they’re white we call them greeks. 

thrash-wednesday:

By this point everybody at UVM knows about the Sig Ep “Who would YOU rape, bro?” questionnaire. By this point everybody at UVM knows that Sig Ep is in trouble. By this point, everybody at UVM has formed an opinion about the whole ordeal and (believe it) one of these sides is wrong. 

If you roll up on Facebook you’ll see lots of Greek and non-Greek persons posting “I support UVM Greek Life”. Fine. So do I. But that’s a non-sequitor in this equation. The issue isn’t whether or not you support the institution as a whole; the University would obviously never get away with destroying the Greek system here regardless of what you may think. The issue is that someone in a frat lived up to the stereotype of the ignorant, sexually aggressive “bro”. Total frat move, am I right? Sig Ep is one of the “good” frats at this school; it has (had?) a solid reputation and has always actively combated that ubiquitous stereotype of the frat boy. It worked up until this incident. Disregard the back story, remove the politicization of the incident and it becomes clear what this is: a big mistake. It’s a fuck-up that doesn’t reflect well on the group. That Sig Ep is considered in the upper echelon of frats at this school makes it that much worse. That, more than anything, is the reason for any outcry against Greek life as a whole (an opinion which seems to be the significant minority). We all know that the actions or mistakes of one shouldn’t necessarily bring down everyone with a name attached to the group. 

It helps absolutely nobody, though, when your default reaction is to say “I Support UVM Greek Life” as if a brother or sister was in critical care, or if the University was cutting funding for no discernible reason. That visceral response is a knee-jerk attempt to individually play the victim, as if the survey was planted by someone outside of Greek life to destroy the reputation of  every brother or sister at the school. It wasn’t, isn’t and never will be. The victims here? Well, first off anyone who has ever experienced sexual or dating violence, which still happens WAY too much. Secondly, this kills the credibility of fraternities at UVM. If you want that back then you need to denounce what it was that brought us to this impasse: joking about rape. It’s not funny, bro.

Has anyone in Sig Ep come out and apologized? Not that I’ve heard. If they had then it must have been pretty low profile. “Standing as brothers” means nothing in this situation. If you wanna escape the stigma then you need to actually try to remove yourself from the problem. The longer you take to do this the worse and worse Greek life looks as a whole. How can the upper-ranking people in Sig Ep not realize this? Throwing a party to “apologize to the community” is so fucking stupid and shortsighted and not funny that it begs the question of whether they actually understand the charges. Rape isn’t something to joke about; so far, though, vocal opposition to rape and kidding around about it has been equivalent to FRAT DESTRUCTION 2011 in the eyes of brothers. Stop trying to play the victim when you all fucked up. This isn’t UVM vs. Greek Life. It’s Rational People vs. Casual Ignorance. Get with the picture before it gets any worse, Sig Ep and all other Greek Life members passively accepting what happened. If you don’t then you risk becoming a walking, breathing paradox. If you want to keep your rights as a student organization then you have to act out. Simple. Rape isn’t funny, bro. But you know that, right?

So yesterday evening, I received a message from a follower who attends my university, asking me to get involved with, and help publicize what is one of the clearest examples of Rape Culture in Greek Life that I have ever seen.  

Last week, a TA received an email from a Brother of Sigma Phi Epsilon Vermont Gamma, to which the brother mistakenly attached a survey from the chapter instead of the assignment.  In this survey, which included questions like ‘Who’s My Favorite Artist,’ and ‘Interests/Hobbies’, the final question was ‘If I could rape someone, who would it be?’  

It seems that this survey was sent out by a new member to brothers of the fraternity.   

This is not the chapter’s first brush with Rape Culture.  There have been rape allegations made against brothers, and last spring, the chapter voted to ban a woman who had accused one of their brothers of rape from the house.  

UVM may opt to try to sweep this under the rug - WE MUST NOT LET THEM. 

SIGN THIS PETITION AND TELL UVM TO SHUT DOWN SIGMA PHI EPSILON NOW, AND SEND A MESSAGE - RAPE CULTURE WILL NOT GO ON.  IT ENDS HERE. IT ENDS NOW.

SIGN THE PETITION, SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS, AND LET’S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.  

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/end-rape-culture-now—-shut-down-sigma-phi-epsilon-vermont-gamma/

Together we will send a message, Rape is not a UVM Value.  

BUT know that in the next couple of days, something really big may be coming…

Stay tuned!